Couple goals are a proven method to build a good rapport with your partner. Different couples choose different goals for their relationship and all relationship goals need not be the same. You can analyse your common ground with your partner and start from something simple. In other words, couple goals are romantic relationship goals.
I’m married close to a decade now. And like any other couple who have been married for so many years, we have had our share of ups and downs in the marriage.
We were from the same educational and professional backgrounds when we met. It did not take long for us to hit it off. It was almost instant. That too without seeing each other. It was an arranged marriage – a marriage proposal fixed by our parents.(Yes, They still exist in India!).
The first phone call lasted for around six hours. After which we mutually agreed to get married. (We lived in different cities. We had not seen each other till then.) The next month, parents and relatives got together to discuss the wedding plans.
Two months after that, I was engaged and a month after that I was married!
All these major changes in my life happened within a span of three months.
Since our marriage was an arranged marriage, we did not know much about each other. Before marriage we had seen each other barely thrice. Yet I knew in my gut, that he was the one.
After going many changes these past years, here is what I learnt about being a couple.
High expectations
At the time of a wedding (or even at the time of dating), when you are newly getting to know somebody, the expectation is generally pretty high.
I did not want a partner from the same professional background and wanted to actually get to know the person well before the wedding. I wanted some time between the engagement and the wedding. But none of this happened.
You know what! It doesn’t matter when you have found a good guy. I’m not using the over-used phrase ‘right guy’ purposely, because there is no right guy, just like there is no perfect person.
The right guy can be right for you now but wrong for you five years later in the relationship, because people change. Both of you change every year, that in ten years time, both of you are completely different in your thoughts, actions, ideas and ideals. The things that you once thought were common to you might not be common anymore. One of you might have leaned towards newer ideas.
This is not a bad thing. In fact this is the natural curve. In any relationship, this is what is going to happen. You will never be the same people you were, the day you got married. So how do you connect with your partner while you undergo these changes?
This is where couple goals come in.
Evolution of relationships
Mostly till the previous generation, the husband and wife had a specified set of duties assigned to each gender role. They did not question it and did not try to change it.
With respect to my own state, there were instances where the wife did not sit and have a meal together with her husband. No open talk about issues bothering them, no privacy in the first place (mostly joint family system prevailed). What happened was, they saw their child/children as a bridge connecting the mother and father. When the children grew up and left the house to pursue their own dreams, the mother and father felt empty.
They did not know how to reconnect with their spouse. Their conversations had become so stilted (mostly revolving around their children) that they did not know to have a proper conversation at all.
It was the common way of life. The reasons for that could have been
- Illiteracy
- Huge background differences
- Societal set up
- Focus on family instead of an individual
- Gender stereotyping
But times are changing. Things are not the same anymore. Education and varied experiences (be it our own or inspiration from others) have created a powerful sense of self within all of us. We know of opportunities and a lifestyle that our parents and grand parents did not even know existed.
Inside this world of possibilities how have relationships evolved?
What can we do to try and make our lives more interesting as a couple?
This is where couple goals come in.
Couple Goals
Here is a study which analyses relationships in depth. And here is what they found.
“THE SHARED NORMS, THE IN-JOKES, THE SHARED EXPERIENCES – IS SO MUCH MORE THAN THE SEPARATE INDIVIDUALS WHO MAKE UP THAT RELATIONSHIP.”
Study published at National Academy of Sciences.
Couple goals are those shared experiences that both you and your partner enjoy doing together. It can be an activity that is big or small. It must be genuinely enjoyed by both the partners for the whole process to work. If your partner is not comfortable with one activity, simply switch over to another one that is more relatable to both of you.
Here are some proven ideas to get you started.
Introduce your partner to your hobby
At any age, you have to take time for yourself. You can take up your favorite classes on a new hobby. If you are trying something on your own, why not introduce your partner to it.
I started learning Kathak recently. Here is my complete experience on how it all started. When my partner saw my practice sessions, he too wanted to try some basic steps. And I agreed. We practise steps together occasionally and it is so much fun.
Try something totally new
Go somewhere you have never been before, try a new restaurant, a new adventure sport (if both of you like it). It could even be catching a new movie. This takes a little bit of planning but I promise you will enjoy it. But don’t make this a one time thing.
Variety is the spice of life!
Travel to new places
I can write an entire article about travel (I just got my next writing inspiration guys!). There is nothing soulful like travel. It is a balm for the soul and a great activity when done with your partner.
Visit new cities or even new countries(if your budget allows) and create a travel diary (A journal which records all your travel experiences). And instead of looking at your respective phones, consciously try connecting with each other. The new ambiance will be a big boost to your intimacy and friendship.
Cook together
Start from exotic locations and land in your kitchen. Yes, you heard it right!
The basis of couple goals is to spend some quality time together. What better way than in the kitchen?
You can cook together, do peeling or chopping laughing and chatting all the way. This is a tried and tested method, people! And inexpensive too.
Gardening
If both of you are interested in plants and nature, gardening is one of the perfect couple goals. You can spend time together, planting or weeding. By the end of it, you will have an awesome garden in addition to an excellent rapport with your partner.
Exercise
My husband loves his morning exercise routine. Rain or shine, he needs couple of hours to himself and his push ups and weight lifts. Sometimes I just sit in a corner watching him go through his routine. He does it meticulously (something I have to learn from him!) After sometime, he tried teaching me some basic exercises and I did it along with him(though I’m not a big fan of high intensity training).
My idea of wellness does not include hardwork at the gym, but I did it with my partner because it was so much fun to do it together. Alternately you can develop your own exercises but work out with your partner.
I tried this with yoga. When my husband exercised, I practised Yoga in the same place. For those who want to start with yoga, here is a simple beginner workout.
Road trips
Road trips are different from fancy airplane rides. Long bike or car drives set a beautiful pace for a great relaxation. With relaxation comes easy conversation. If you have trouble starting a conversation indoors, I would suggest a long drive. Pick up a road that is not too congested and start driving.
Also try unplanned drives. These are more fun than planned ones. You can explore new cafes and hang out after the drive.(Like we do most of the time!)
Take a walk hand in hand
When was the last time you held your partner’s hand while walking? Well! Its time to repeat it. The very gesture shouts ‘love is in the air’. Hold your partners hand while taking a casual stroll. If you are used to only driving, you must ditch your bike or car for an evening stroll with your loved one. It is a great experience.
Surprise your partner
Being happy and keeping your partner happy are two different things and both are equally important. No two people are the same. Similarly no two partners are same either. What is completely normal for you, might give someone else a shock!
But couple goals are only about you and your partner. So focus on what works for you.
Here are some easy ways you can surprise your partner.
For Men
- Paint your girl’s nails
- Help in the kitchen
- Buy her favorite things
- Make an evening all about her
- Go grocery shopping together
- Listen more
For Women
- Pick him up from work occasionally
- Watch his favorite movie(Even if its not romance or comedy!)
- Listen more
- Cook his favorite dish
- Pay attention to his moods
- Talk to him spontaneously
The Spark
Do you remember the feeling of new love?
When you paid extra attention to how you looked, what you wore or how you sat or talked, trying to impress your partner?
That initial spark when you really connected with your partner.
Don’t let that ‘spark’ die as you progress in your relationship. This means
Even when you have kids, it is imperative to take time for just the two of you.
Don’t let life’s responsibilities weigh you down. Plan a getaway or a date night with your loved one.
Protect the ‘spark’ in your relationship and keep fuelling it with new experiences.
How can you protect it?
By genuinely making an effort for your partner. Your partner does not want a copy of himself or herself who likes the same things or does the same things. They only want to know that you care. And for that,
The effort is more important than the result.
If your partner sees that you are trying, he/she will feel that they should respond to your actions and they too will try making you feel special.
So here is the final reminder for couple goals
- Spend quality time together
- Make your partner feel special
- Never stop making an effort
- Realize your partner’s effort and reciprocate
- Don’t let the ‘spark’ die
And that’s how couple goals are done!
Do you have any other ideas that worked for you and your partner. Tell us in the comments!
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