Bonding With Kids – Great Family Vacations Are The Way To Go

The pandemic has caused a huge setback for people like me who love to travel. To think of going back again on family vacations involved a lot of anxiety over the distance and safety measures. But who can be isolated forever, huh? We are not cut out for that. So recently we planned a family vacation. Hubby was pretty cool about it from the get go. For me personally it was a time to bond with my people. Bonding with our kids is as important in life as self care or making the effort for your husband.

But unlike the adults, it is important to bond with kids in their own time zone, when they

• Are ready to open up
• Genuinely need your attention
• Need your help and support
• Need your comfort
• Want to snuggle with you

Bonding with kids – My mother and I

The challenge in most households today, is that parents are extremely busy with their activities and their kids’ school activities, that the struggle to bond with kids is real even when not acknowledged openly in many households.

It is tough to talk to children when they are not in the mood to engage. And to create that mood is a task by itself.

Being a working mother, I know how difficult it is to find the time and energy for our daily routines. My mother though was a stay-at-home mom when me and my sister were young. She started working much later. But even then, she was so swamped with the household chores, cooking, tending to guests, social commitments etc. She hardly ever had time for herself, though she was meticulous about a couple of her self care routines.

Her biggest regret in life was not spending enough time with me and my sister when we were kids. In other words, she lost on many opportunities to bond with her kids as a parent. But the one outdoor thing that me and my sister would always cherish?

Our Family Vacations!

On these vacations, my mother seemed different. The woman I saw was not the hassled, over worked tired mother of two. She was something else. In fact at home, I was sometimes so scared to approach my mother since she was always doing so many things at once, and that pressure would get to her.

And naturally so!

It was hard to get her attention and even harder to maintain it for a few minutes as our conversations were always in the kitchen, cooking or when she was doing some other household work. It was extremely rare to have her undivided attention, except when maybe she was teaching me.

Not to say my mother wasn’t trying hard to raise her kids right. She was a beautiful woman inside and out. And I knew she wanted only the best for her daughters. But just the daily drudgery (that millions of women go through worldwide but never taking it seriously enough to address it) was taking its toll on her.

So in these family vacations, my mother was brighter, laughed more with my dad, hugged and talked to me and my sister and overall she was more relaxed and cheerful.

At ten, I could not understand why mother could not be the same person everyday.

Bonding with kids – Me and my children

Those moments made me wonder how difficult could a woman’s role in a household be?

I did not get to understand that till I had my own family.

There have been multiple occasions when my children call me so many times when I’m staring like a zombie at my work computer trying to meet deadlines or shuffle work around my time.

I have difficulty to actually spend fifteen minutes per day with them not including their homework time or reading time.

I just want to sit with them and hear about random things that go on in their tiny brains.

At those times, I wish I had more time with them.

But now that my children are a little older, I sometimes wonder what is that they think of me, their mother.

Are they scared to open up to me?

Do I come across as unreasonably strict ?( I do yell at them sometimes).

My boys keep reminding me to smile occasionally. That is when I realize that I have been frowning in front of the cooking stove or the washing machine or the work computer, wherever I’m working at that point of time while my mind is usually a million miles away.

Tough but real

Children are incredibly perceptive and intuitive. They understand daily routines and the necessity for mom and dad to work so hard, much better than you think. While I was growing up, vacations usually meant trips to native places or relatives houses for a day or two. I have never seen many of my cousins (expect probably a couple) take family outings. It was just not normal in a typical Indian household. But my parents were different. We planned trips to historically great places, mostly temple towns for their history and architecture more than religious reasons.

But they were amazing. My parents actually had to save up an entire year to plan a family vacation. Yet every year we visited a beautiful place and returned with a reservoir of energy for the upcoming year.

Those were one of the rare moments when my parents let their guard down. I could see their vulnerability and them as individuals who had their lives cut out for them instead of just as my parents. And that is a rare experience for a child.

If this makes sense to you, you should think about spending more time with your children. And what better way than family vacations?

Yes vacations are

• Expensive
• Involve a whole new level of rescheduling tasks if you are working parents
• Time consuming
• Require a lot of energy to plan
• Need attention to detail

But a vacation is a beautiful experience which invigorates your mind, yet soothes your soul at the same time.

Here a just a few pointers to help you think of bonding with your kids through vacations.

Learn to use vacations for bonding with kids

Tip #1 Don’t rush into it

I have nothing against tour operators but I feel vacations shouldn’t just be reduced to sightseeing whether you go with kids or your partner.

I will explain.

When you plan for a two night/three day trip (that is the most common trip for families), you are in such a rush to cover the entire city visiting all its important tourist places.

Don’t do it.

Choose three or four major attractions and leave the rest for some other time. It is impossible to cover an entire city’s history in two days.

If not you will be exhausted, children would need extra rest when they come back and your journey will be more stressful and less fun.

Instead allow time for yourself to breathe first. As parents you are always busy at home. At a vacation you should consciously choose not to be busy.

Tip #2 Anticipate the needs of kids

Being planned can reduce the stress of travelling with small children. Basic needs like water,food, towels, tissues,spare dresses,hats,sunscreen etc are a must. Keep them separate so that you don’t have to dig into your luggage every time when the child needs something.

Children get bored.

What might be a scenic journey to you could be a dull journey for them.

What to do in such situations?

Talk to them.

This is the chance to take them out of their routine and expose them to some real world. Answer as many questions as you can, as children can actually come up with a lot of questions. Make learning fun for them.

Take coffee breaks during a long journey and allow them to stretch and play for a while.

Tip #3 Forget house rules

Children don’t have to be perfect every minute of every day.

It is not only exhausting for parents to raise such perfect kids, but it is such a strain for the kids as well. So let small things go.

Let them play in the mud, become dirty, run screaming, play without the sense of time, eat pizza and ice cream.. It is absolutely fine. Your kids will appreciate you and love you more for letting them have those genuine moments.

You can even join in their fun.

Playing with kids is the easiest method of bonding with kids.

Apart from that, you can

• Read their books and discuss it with them.
• Ask for their opinion on things like what they want for lunch and dinner
• Surprise them by being playful
• Take them for long walks. ( you can have pretty cool conversations during walks, trust me!)

Tip #4 Savour the moment

When you are on that vacation, don’t let the outside world interfere. That time and place is for you to be bonding with your kids and partner.

Here are a few things you can practically follow

• Stop checking your phone every two seconds.
• Soak in every moment with your loved ones
• Be present for your family physically,mentally and emotionally.
• Eat all your favorite foods
• Walk to nearby destinations. It is a great way to enjoy a new place.
• Include variety. Try to visit a mix of temples, zoos,museums, planetariums, parks, beaches whatever is appealing to you. Don’t hop from one zoo to another or one temple to another. Keep it interesting.
• Spend sometime with family doing nothing – Maybe just coffee and random conversations. No agenda.

Conclusion

Safety first. Before you go packing, ensure that you have decided on a good place to visit and stay with your family. When travelling with children, hotels at city centers are the best place to stay. That way you have access to all means of transport, good quality food etc.

Take good pictures and take your children to shop for souvenirs. It is yet again a great way of bonding with kids. You decide on the length and depth of the travel experience you are planning for your kids. If you did the family vacations right, you should be able to get rid of stress and connect with your people more. A family vacation is also a great outdoor lesson for children.

So next time you plan a vacation, remember these pointers.

In this spirit, have a wonderful vacation!