Good Communication – Foundation of Strong Relationships

Good communication is supposed to be a basic skill but is a skill that requires good amount of patience and practice. It should be one of the foundational pillars on which relationships should be built upon. There is a general lack of interest in today’s fast paced life. Research has shown that our attention spans have actually decreased over the past decade. This is a challenge at both the workplace and our own social circles. Without listening and responding to what we listen to, how can we be coherent at all? Look at any management institute or counsellors or workplaces. The words ‘good communication’ is thrown around all the time under different contexts. People call it a necessary soft skill but many do not pay enough attention to it. Communication gaps exist everywhere, even in the most ordinary conversations, all around us. Let us take a look at the following ordinary situations:

Communication Gap – Scenario #1

In a classroom a student raises a doubt with the class teacher. The teacher would generally be ok with one or two follow up questions. But even after that if the student does not understand, then the conversation would end there with something like, “You think you know better than me?” or “Study properly and come to class” or “Don’t waste my time asking silly questions”

These are comments from my own teachers. Very rarely teachers gave a response like, “That is a good question. I need to look more into this. Lets discuss this in class tomorrow.”

These kinds of communication errors cause severe damages in the learning process. The child loses confidence to approach the teacher with further questions, sometimes loses confidence in the subject itself.

Communication Gap – Scenario #2

A boss assigns work to a subordinate and gives a deadline. The subordinate is not able to complete his work on time. Usually the boss’ reaction would be something like this:

“You need to improve if you want to be competitive.” or “What were you doing all these days?” or “Do you know how much trouble I will get into my superiors because of you?”

These type of communication errors causes mistrust in the workplace and is the foundation for further conflicts. Instead the boss could have used good communication even before the deadline like this,

“Are we on track for this project work? Do you need my help? You can reach out to me if there are any difficulties”

Good communication builds trust and confidence in the workplace and make it easier for everyone to get along better.

Communication Gap – Scenario #3

An aged parent asks son/daughter to buy some vegetables when he/she comes home from work. The response could be, “Is it urgent that we have to buy it today? Why can’t you tell me all this on a weekend?” or “I have audit at office today. Lets see”

Instead the response could be something really simple like, “I’m not sure when I will leave office today because of the audit. If I have time, I will buy them today, else tomorrow morning I will get it for you before I leave for office.

This way, the parent does not get hurt by insensitive comments. Do not forget that they were busy people once too, who took time for you and your needs in whatever way they knew best.

Good communication can resolve a lot of basic misunderstandings.

Communication Gap – Scenario #4

A wife asks her husband if the lunch was good today. The wrong kind of responses would be, “My mother makes it a little more sweet”, “I had in a hurry, So I really didn’t notice”, or “hmmm mmm” type of responses.

It would take about thirty seconds for the husband to actually name what his wife had packed for lunch and tell her (and mean it) that he enjoyed his lunch”

I have heard husbands complaining ‘she asks this question everyday’. So what? Isn’t she making the effort everyday. All she is looking for is a little acknowledgment for her efforts. If the husband had voluntarily praised her cooking on a few occasions, maybe the wife too wouldn’t have asked that question everyday.

Good communication actually provides clarity in any relationship. Everyone wants to feel loved, included and supported. A healthy relationship can only exist on the foundation of a good communication.

What essentially is good communication?

We come across thousands of situations like these in our lives. To communicate better means to convey what you feel in a comfortable manner and receive what is conveyed to you without any prejudice. Good communication involves the following:

Listen Actively

How many times we talk when we are simultaneously watching TV or our smartphones? When someone has something to say to you (it could be a parent, spouse, child, colleague or a close friend), listen actively and be present in the moment.

Understand the context

When you talk, talk with context and don’t generalize your opinion. Example – When you did this on that day, I felt like this.(It could be both positive or negative). Refrain from using phrases like ‘you are always like this’ or ‘what else can I expect from you?’ Address the context in your communication.

Highlight the positives too

When was the last time you genuinely complimented someone? We are quick to point out mistakes, get into arguments, raise voices and play the blame game. But how quick are we to appreciate someone. Good communication means being open to both sides of the argument. Don’t wait for the right time to appreciate someone. In fact the more spontaneous your communication is, the more powerfully it will affect the other person.

Have an open mind

Stop looking at people through who they were in the past. The reality is that, people change. Unless you see a horrible pattern of the same behavior over a really long time, there is really no need to judge people quickly. Give people the benefit of doubt. You will be surprised to notice a lot of things about this other person when you are open minded. Your perception about them will definitely reflect in your communication with them.

Use appropriate words and emotions

While speaking, don’t forget that the other person will also take cues from your facial expressions and body language. If all of them don’t align, the words you speak would have no value. Once people feel that you say things you don’t mean (on a regular basis), you will lose their trust and they will only try to avoid your inputs. Instead be honest and tell what you feel to whatever extent it is possible (depending on the social situation.)

Conclusion

Good communication is really an art. I have seen people have the most complex conversations in a really artful manner to make the other person see it the way they see it. It truly takes a lot of thought and patience. Besides it is a lifelong practice as you are thrown into different situations with different people. Choose what has to be said and how and what has to be avoided and how. It really is not that difficult to treat someone with respect and yet call out their shortcomings. When your intentions are good, your communication would definitely convey it. Even when you unsure of a situation, talk to people, get their inputs, take a chance. It is equally important to acknowledge a misunderstanding on your part too when necessary. This approach brings in a lot of trust, confidence and inclusivity in any relationship.